Jarkko Lehmus Diary

Play that minty music, white boy!

Dragons have hearts. And a sense of humour! Pat Neary gave class this morning accompanied by endless cracking of jokes, and the proverbial whip. It's amazing to watch a lady of her years with such energy giving stick to the pianist for playing tunes that were, as she put it: "too minty, too gay." Great class. Great fun. Sheer rock 'n roll ballet.

Birthdays, Dragons & Corsets.

I was supposed to write all this shite down last night but supposedly I was too knackered. Well tonight I'm knackered and drunk so I figured it's best to get it over and done with the way things are headed.

Chapter one: Birthdays

I haven't been out for donkey years so when invitations to a leaving do of the company's beloved executive director Norman Quirk and my friend's birthday surfaced on the same night I had no option but to get suited and booted and do my worst. Plenty of free drinks and beautiful ladies later I stumbled across Saturday and another birthday party. Just to avoid hangover I stayed drunk for the best part of Sunday. After a slight distraction caused by work on Monday I headed for another birthday bash and, miraculously, here I am telling you the story. If I was a good boy I'd be asleep getting ready for the ordeal of tomorrows ballet class taken by Pat Neary. Which brings me handily to...

Chapter two: Dragons

Pat Neary is a fire breathing American dragon, or so she made everyone believe during her first week of rehearsals. She's been with us for the past couple of weeks hammering in Four Temperaments. Now she's a lady who knows exactly what she wants and won't have an inch less nor take any hostages. As said before, I'm (mis)fortune enough not to be involved in 4Ts and am reduced to watching the circus, also known as rehearsals, with a mixture of awe and fascination. She's 62, has plastic hips and wears pointe shoes. Need I say more?

Pat in action. Photo by me©

Chapter three: Corsets

Since I don't qualify for tights I just strip down to my jock strap and don a corset instead. For the joy of all and sundry pictures of the slab of meat aka me are slapped all over town in the shape of leaflets, posters and billboards. So when I go to do the kick boxing thing and try to be all 'eats nails, shits chain-dude' some smart arse comes and tells me they've seen a picture of me in a corset. Great. Makes for an interesting conversation amongst the inevitable arse kicking. Their arse that is... Don't mess with dancers, they pack a mean fouette.

Mum I'm doing ok, honest. But you're wearing a corset, son! Photo by me©

This week is the infamous production week. Ages of hanging around and technical mayhem. The show should be worth it though. Or so I keep telling all my mates who want to come and see it. Prepare to be shocked/fascinated/disgusted/embarrassed/excited. A full report will follow.

Sweat saves blood.

Third week's over in the salt mines. MiddleSexGorge, 32 Cryptograms and Acrid Avid Jam are in the bag awaiting polishing. Balanchine people are coming in next week to bash in Four Temperaments in a week. Since I look sooooo pretty in tights I don't need to worry about it too much. Not at all to be honest. I'll just concentrate on honing my head banging technique then.
On the upside I'll have plenty of time for body conditioning, stretching and the like. I've had recurring lower back pain since the Autumn tour and problems with left knee from the begining of the Nutcracker tour. I had a couple of sessions with a chiropractor during the past two weeks and he managed to ease some of the pressure. It turned out that my pelvis has been pretty well out of place for a while. No worries with lower back or knee anymore and I'm intending to keep it that way. It's just a question of going back to basics and weeding out any extra twists and cheats, looking hideously ugly in the ballet class for a few months and creating new, safer cheats to look as pretty as it's possible with my crooked limbs. I might just last a couple of years longer in the profession and maybe, one day, even be able to play with my kids without too much pain...
I went through a bunch of different practitioners before I found one that suited me. The guy's really good at what he does, although it feels he's not doing much. It's called McTimoney-chiropractic and it consists of a series of very fast minor adjustments. In other words very little violence involved.
Speaking of which; as if 10-6 wouldn't be enough exercise martial arts are playing an increasing part in my evening activities occupying the 7-10 slot most nights. Keeps me out of the pub but running to Lidl day in day out. Getting some 4500 kcal/day from rice, tuna and some veggies takes some serious munching.