Ballet Central Diary

Fire, Brimstone and other happenings on tour...

I will apologise in advance for the solemn tone (and length!) of this diary entry. Today, life is looking a little bleaker that it did a few weeks ago.
It all began at Ilford on Tuesday 11th March, the day of the dress rehearsal for staff and first and second year students. It went well, we were nervous because we knew that this was one of the most critical audiences we would ever face, but it went well and we were in a good place to then take it up several notches for the first show the following night.
Earlier that morning, while walking to the theatre, I tripped over another dancer’s suitcase and fell over in the road. It was very amusing to everyone present, but began to be less amusing for me personally when I realised the pain I was in- as I fell, I smacked my kneecaps on the concrete. By Wednesday (which had to be the most important show of my life so far!!!) my right knee was quite swollen and sore, but by keeping it moving and warm, I kept it feeling ok to perform.
And it went really well! My mum was there, so I was glad to know there was someone rooting for me in the audience. Ashley Page was also there with Patricia Hines, who set Waltz on us, and they both seemed really pleased with the way it looked and all the work we have done on it.
By the time we came to do the get out though, the wonderful effects of adrenaline had worn off and I was limping around like Long John Silver. The next day I hobbled into school and saw our physiotherapist, Anna. She told me the shock from the fall had made the bursar under my knee swell up and it was irritating all the cartilage and general stuff I don’t know the names of around my knee.
I was off class for three days. Which I was raging about at the time; but now realise how lucky I was in comparison to what was to come…….
Monday morning, I came back to class, all bright and fresh, enjoying every hitherto forbidden movement of my body and ready to really go for everything. My knee felt much better, not completely one hundred percent, but certainly well enough to perform.
We had to meet at school on Wednesday morning at the crack of dawn to catch to coach to Crawley. After doing the get in, and taking class on stage, we had a full run through of the show, to get used to the new space. In the final movement of Capriol Suite, the jumpy section, I went over on my right ankle, possibly landing from a jump, but it happened so fast I don’t know exactly what happened. I tried to carry on, but couldn’t put any weight on my foot. I went into the wings and just sat down, kind of in disbelief at what had just happened.

What followed was quite dramatic. People were getting ready to go on stage in my place, but I was determined to do the show that evening come hell or high water- my gran, granddad and cousin were watching and I had really been looking forward to dancing on the massive stage- the biggest of the tour. Bill and Emma, our company manager, were worried about me, and I came very, very close to not going on. It was only after I had proved, by walking and running around the stage, and jumping up and down that I could do it. It actually didn’t hurt that much at that point- I wasn’t lying when I said that I really thought I could do the show. I iced it, took some nurofen and began praying.
At the fifteen minutes call, I was already on stage, having second thoughts. But I knew deep down that I really could do the show and to back out now would not only be cowardly, but also unfair to everyone else who had taken me at my word that I could perform. My partner in Steps to Bach, my first piece of the evening, was a godsend- thanks Danny! I also couldn’t have done it without Ruan and Laurel, who gave me loving vibes and were ready to cover up if I had to go off stage. I didn’t though, I finished the piece and went to get changed for Waltz…….

….which I knew would be much harder, because I’m completely on my own, with no partner and most of the time, no other dancers around me to rely on. It went well, I smiled like crazy to get through it, and despite most of the jumps landing on the bad foot, I didn’t feel any pain while on stage. Coming off for waltz, I went to get changed for Capriol suite…...

……which I was nervous about, because it was the piece in which I damaged my foot. But that also came off, and after I came off stage the biggest feeling of relief rushed over me. I felt as though I had really achieved something, and that I had not ruined the show as I had been afraid of.

However, I was very conscious that I wasn’t ‘letting go’ as I should on stage, and I worried that the performance was not very good and that the audience could tell that the show was not up to standard. I remembered something that Carol Gable said to us a few days before the show at Ilford to the effect of: if you’re on stage then you give one hundred percent. If you can’t do that, then don’t go on. That really struck a chord with me- people have paid hard earned money to come to the theatre and they deserve to be entertained. They don’t deserve to see selfish dancers who are just indulging their own narcissistic desire to be on stage, which is how I felt a little bit last night. But I was assured by Otis (another Ballet Central member who is also injured, whose opinion I value and trust) that although he could tell I was being careful, it was not a bad show. Bill even said I was a trouper!

On coming into school this morning and seeing Anna, I had my suspicion that it was a sprained ankle confirmed. I have been given a crutch to walk and can now be found in most Ballet Central rehearsals, sitting on the floor with a bag of ice on my foot, feeling as useless as a chocolate teapot.
I have never before quite realised how much a part of me dancing is. Now I’m faced with the prospect of three weeks without even taking class, and missing two shows, I feel like half a person and totally without aim or direction.
Sometimes people ask me why I dance. I always reply, why do you breathe? It’s not really a question of wanting to do it, its something necessary to your life. That might sound limiting and a bit sad to most people, but that’s how it is for me.
At the same time as getting out my violins and feeling thoroughly sorry for myself, I also know that this, as an injury, is small fry compared to what some of my friends have gone through, and they have all come through the other side. Three weeks is hardly anything and that is an outside estimate for recovery.
And I also grudgingly admit that when looked at beside such things as global warming, worldwide recession, third world poverty, Aids and general apocalypse, my ankle doesn’t seem so earth shatteringly important as I am making out right now.
Hopefully, by the next time I write, things will be looking up and I will be filled with my usual wit and warmth!!

Posted by Rym Kechacha at March 20, 2008 08:51 PM